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Expert Boarder
I take pictures

Re: partners and spouses not into the dead

#74699 3 years ago
Mr J and I met on the philzone lol. I am lucky not to have such an issue.
Please tell Governor Christie of NJ to open the records
Junior Boarder

Re: partners and spouses not into the dead

#74705 3 years ago
My wife usually wants to leave by middle of second set. Sux, particularly if the baby sitter expects you at 11:00, you know, they got school in the morning.

but seriously,.... when we can, get away, we have a great time. admittedly.. me more than my wife.
Platinum Boarder
Without love in a dream, it will never come true.

Re: partners and spouses not into the dead

#74734 3 years ago
My wife is not a deadhead. We are in the process of getting divorce. This has freed me up to do 30 shows this year solo and meet many cool heads and reconnect with old heads. For this I am grateful. Huge silver lining. No question my next spouse will be a dead head, I hope.
Platinum Boarder

Re: partners and spouses not into the dead

#74737 3 years ago
My wife is from Japan and did not know anything about the Dead before we met. She enjoys the music now but has no interest in going to a show. She spends six weeks a year in Japan and I in turn go to all local shows and travel once a year to three or four shows. I would not want any other arrangement as time apart is an essential part of marriage and shows are an essential part of keeping me sane
.....nine mile skid on a ten mile ride
Gold Boarder

Re: partners and spouses not into the dead

#74749 3 years ago
We were heads together and after Jerry died she lost the magic. Shes not to happy when I tell her im going to a show. But she gets over it. She still likes a good Morning Dew or Sugar Mag.
Expert Boarder
Dancin on a pin

Re: partners and spouses not into the dead

#74781 3 years ago
My wife is not anti-dead, but she often has issues with me going on extended jaunts especially with younger kids at home. She has little or no interest in going to shows and ends up being disappointed that I would rather ‘do my thing’ than planning to do things with her or the rest of the family.
While my GD music travels (Furthur + DSO) can makes things occasionally touchy for us, we make it work. It has helped me strike a balance between finding time for my wife and kids and doing something for myself that I would liken more to ‘church’ than anything else. While I don’t hit as many shows as I did a year or 2 ago, I still get my cup filled. I squeeze every single drop I can out of each musical experience and remember that….“such a long, long time to be gone, and a short time to be there.”
Everybody is either making love...Or else expecting rain
Junior Boarder

Re: partners and spouses not into the dead

#74787 3 years ago
Took my wife to a show in Oakland in the early 80's at Henry Kaiser, didn't go over well, we left early!! But she's cool and lets me go to any show I want, but she loves the NYE shows because we stay in Union Sq and I go to the shows and she goes shopping!!
Expert Boarder

Re: partners and spouses not into the dead

#74795 3 years ago
brokenarrow wrote:
We were heads together and after Jerry died she lost the magic. Shes not to happy when I tell her im going to a show. But she gets over it. She still likes a good Morning Dew or Sugar Mag.

My wife's the same way. I think she is a much bigger Jerry fan than dead fan. She probably saw the dead and JGB more times than me in the 90's. She lived in SF then, and I mostly caught all the Midwest runs. To her credit though she is super cool about my obsession. She goes to a lot of Furthur shows with me, and has a good time. She is also cool with me heading out on my own to tour, as long as it isn't some place she wants to visit. So basically if I want to go to Indianapolis on my own it's cool. If it's SF, Colorado, Vegas, or Chicago shes goIng.
I wish I was the headlight on a northbound train.
Island Head
Platinum Boarder

Re: partners and spouses not into the dead

#74802 3 years ago
My wife is a Brit and is not into the Dead. She did have a good time at her first Furthur show in March at the Orphium but mostly because we went with 2 other couples and our seats were in one of those raised boxes on John's side so we had plenty of room to dance. She was not that happy when I told her we were going to see more shows in November, but we compromised and will also go to see some Broadway plays and other stuff that she likes. We have great seats for the Manchester show (3rd row!) and I got her a ticket for Portland but I think she is going to have a girls night out instead with the other wives while the boys go to the Portland show. She is still on the fence for the MSG show, hopefully she has a good time at Manchester and will want to go again. She loves Pink Floyd and the Stones so Phil, please play Time for her in Manchester.
Platinum Boarder
R U Kind?

Re: partners and spouses not into the dead

#74815 3 years ago
My wife enjoys the music, but taking her to shows is usually a downer ("stay with me", "why are you jumping around""too much smoke here".....blah blah blah). So lately I prefer to go to shows by myself so I can jump around and funkin gonuts. And because of the pressure from her I don't see as many shows as I otherwise might. But I get my dozen or so shows in every year.

My Frontgate tickets should be arriving at my house today. I guess it's time to break it to her that I will be away for a few days soon.

Blair Jackson wrote about this on "Blair's Golden Road" on dead.net. Most people who responded said their partners / spouses were into the dead or at least tolerant. Here's a link to Blair's blog on dead.net. dead.net/features/blairs-golden-road-blo...oad-blog-war-stories

And here's what Blair wrote, you can read feedback to his blog by following the link above

Blair's Golden Road Blog - Mixed Marriages?
By Blair Jackson

This summer, my lovely wife, Regan, and I will celebrate our 30th wedding anniversary (thank you, thank you); a pretty decent accomplishment, I suppose, in this era of fractured families and sky-high divorce rates. You know how they say “opposites attract”? Well, I’ve never bought that for a second—or at least never sought out my own “opposite.” To the contrary, I think it is our convergence on so many of life’s issues that has allowed us to hit the three-decade milestone without breaking a sweat. We really do agree about most things—our tastes are quite similar in almost everything, from movies to food to colors we like. And, of course, it also includes our mutual love of the Grateful Dead.

Regan wasn’t a Dead Head when we met in the late ’70s. She went to her first show with me at the Warfield in 1980 (10/3/80, if you must know), 10 years after I’d been seeing the band. She had three Warfield shows under her belt by the time we got married in July 1981, but then in September of that year the Dead played the first of their modern series at the Greek Theatre in Berkeley. We went to all three shows, and after that she was completely hooked. We did all five New Year’s concerts at the Oakland Auditorium (the first night, 12/26 was even her birthday) and had the best time. The next year the band added Ventura and Frost to their regular schedule; by the following year we took our first out of state road trip to Eugene and Boise, came home and worked for a week at our jobs, then went to Santa Fe for one of the most magical weekends either of us had ever experienced. We’ve been traveling down The Golden Road ever since, committed to following this strange muse and having a great time just about every step of the way.

I can’t imagine what my life would have been like if my significant other had not been a Dead Head. And through the years I’ve heard more than a few horror stories from folks who are in what we jokingly call “mixed marriages” (whether they’re married or not). Now, traditionally this term has been used to apply to black-white, Jew-gentile, etc. couplings, but the Dead Head-non-Head pairing can definitely cause as much friction (though not as much from parents). Argument flash-points were numerous: “Why do you have to go see all those shows?” “That tape wall is ugly; why can’t we just put a bookcase there?” “Can’t we listen to something else in the car for a change?” “Don’t ask me to come to the hospital when you eat a PCP-laced veggie burrito outside a show!” “Can’t you hear how bad those harmonies are?” “You are not going to Frost Amphitheatre on Mother’s Day; we’re going to my mom’s for brunch!” “I am not looking at a Dancing Bear tattoo for the rest of my life!” “You sent away for more tickets? That’s why we’re broke!” “Red Rocks is not a vacation; Acapulco is a vacation.” “Do you have any idea how silly you look in that tie-dye shirt?” And on and on.

At some point, there’s usually a grudging agreement to go to a show and see what all the fuss is about. A few have even been converted this way. But often it’s a disaster: “I thought there weren’t any more hippies!” “That guy spinning around smacked me in the back!” “All this endless noodling is so boring!” “That’s only intermission? Can we leave now?” “How can you do this night after night?” “What’s the matter with these people?” “Why can’t I talk? What is ‘Dark Star’ anyway?” “Go buy me a beer; I’m not going out there!” I had one female buddy whose non-DH boyfriend wore a gas mask to a show to protect himself from all the smoke! About the best-case scenario was when the offended party would fall asleep at the break or during “drums,” temporarily liberating the poor Dead Head in the couple. But people have had to leave hot shows to save a relationship, and there are certainly many who have broken up over one partner’s fanaticism.

Of course I’m aware that many, many people did (and do) succeed in their mixed relationships. But it often takes quite a bit of work and lots of accommodation on both sides.

What has your experience been? Is the theme song of your romantic history in the Dead scene “They Love Each Other” or “Goin’ Down the Road Feeling Bad”? Tell us your nightmare stories and what “the last straw” was before the breakup, or tell us how you’ve succeeded in making it work!
FFF! Family is Forever!!!

May God bless and keep you always
May your wishes all come true
May you always do for others
And let others do for you
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