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platoscave
Junior Boarder
Posts:38

Re: Does Your Wife hate the dead? what do I do? help

#274033 1 year, 3 months ago
I told her. I had no worries that she would actually prevent me from going or be extremly upset. I just wish we could again share these. Now, I think I will plan a weekend where we are together doing a day trip.


It's just we are working on some trust issues. I agree lies poisson the souls of any relationship. See, last show i went to was at CMAC and my cell phone dropped out of my pocket (consequence of the dance). It was about a 6 hour ride for me to get there. Of course, I called her every 2 hours or so. The show had ended early (storm was approaching). By, the time I realized I lost my phone it was like 4 hours since I was able to check in and tell her I was ok and what had happened. I understand her position. She loves me and I love her. I would hate to ever be in a position, for a period of time, thinking something horrible happened to my loved ones.

So Friday its DSO and Saturday NYC->Cloisters, MET...
georgiafurthurfan
Junior Boarder
Posts:99

Re: Does Your Wife hate the dead? what do I do? help

#274339 1 year, 2 months ago
Sounds like you're on the right track man..I agree with all the thoughts and comments above. Been married for 26 years but together 33 years. Trust is everything and once broken is a hard road to restore. Took her to a Radio City show back in 1980 for her first GD live experience and she loved it. A few dozen shows later she was asking to see other bands... .....

We are an obsessive bunch of phans and it takes a determined effort to balance the GD with the rest of our lives sometimes.

Congrats on the 5 years bro!
"it's got no signs, or dividing lines, and very few rules to guide"
St.Stephenhead
Gold Boarder
Posts:1055
Empty bottles that can't be filled

Re: Does Your Wife hate the dead? what do I do? help

#274360 1 year, 2 months ago
BillyDeLion wrote:
platoscave wrote:
I hate lying to my wife... oh yeah had a flat tire on 80... you know its dangerous, thats why I'm coming home late. We been together for 12 years. We never been with anyone before, she knows im not cheating. she knows im going to see furthur or some coverband. I know im not the only one.... I'm seeing DSO friday. (I know..... but hay at least " I know this song will never end?") I told her that I was covering for a lecture this friday and will be home late. But, I can't have a good time knowing that I lied to her. I know how upset she will be, knowing that I went and lied, and I know how upset she will be knowing when I tell her the truth beforehand. I know this sounds like a bad dear abby, but I know Im not the only one going to shows alone? I love the people I love the meaning.

She has ever right not to trust me I used to make poppy tea, I'm sober for five years but some things never comeback.

What do I do?


My wife doesn't hate the GD, but it seems every show I take her to they decide to play Dark Star, and she has short tolerance for the long spacy jams. She's more into the 1st set type of stuff, actually her favorite tunes are Must've Been the Roses, Sugaree, Fire on the Mtn. She's also not into long shows with an hour set break with no seats (GA type of setup). At this point we have an understanding that I go to these shows and she's OK with that. She will still go to an occasional show with me and she does enjoy them, it's just some of the experiences have been not exactly non-DH friendly like the time we saw Phil at Jones Beach and by luck of the draw the guy next to me must have eaten enough of whatever it was he ate that would have gotten the entire section off and was flailing his arms wildly and speaking gibberish between songs- we ended up moving to the upper deck for the 2nd set.... and the other time at the Beacon Phil show where some guy puked and the splash hit her on the ankles.... not exactly the best experiences for a non-DH. One Furthur show she was really into it and everything was perfect and I thought I was converting her to Deadhead status but that was a brief aberration as the next show was filled with spacy jams, Dark Star and lack of seats during set break.

As others have said, you have to come clean with her and lying isn't conducive to a good relationship.

My advice is to talk to her about upcoming concerts and tell her you want to catch a few shows and if possible also line up a few concerts that she's into even if it these other shows are not exactly your cup of tea. If you have a friend to go to the GD related shows with that she knows it might help. If your sober and this aspect of it is an issue with her explain the Wharf Rats and either get involved with them a little, or at least buy some of their stickers or literature to bring home to show that you're keeping your act together and not relapsing.



WOW I def know where you are coming from. Maybe not to some of those extents but I def feel for you man. 1 in 10,000 that come for the show.
Time there was and plenty, but from that cup no more
platoscave
Junior Boarder
Posts:38

Re: Does Your Wife hate the dead? what do I do? help

#275016 1 year, 2 months ago
DSO (original 7/1/80) Atlantic City House of Blues ( 7/26/2013).


We both had a nice time. peggy-o was a nice treat to hear.

bry
platoscave
Junior Boarder
Posts:38

Re: Does Your Wife hate the dead? what do I do? help

#275017 1 year, 2 months ago
what I mean is I went to the show alone, told her I loved her, and we would spent time with each other when I return.
Last Edit: 1 year, 2 months ago by platoscave.
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