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platoscave
Junior Boarder
Posts:38

Does Your Wife hate the dead? what do I do? help

#273738 1 year, 1 month ago
I hate lying to my wife... oh yeah had a flat tire on 80... you know its dangerous, thats why I'm coming home late. We been together for 12 years. We never been with anyone before, she knows im not cheating. she knows im going to see furthur or some coverband. I know im not the only one.... I'm seeing DSO friday. (I know..... but hay at least " I know this song will never end?") I told her that I was covering for a lecture this friday and will be home late. But, I can't have a good time knowing that I lied to her. I know how upset she will be, knowing that I went and lied, and I know how upset she will be knowing when I tell her the truth beforehand. I know this sounds like a bad dear abby, but I know Im not the only one going to shows alone? I love the people I love the meaning.

She has ever right not to trust me I used to make poppy tea, I'm sober for five years but some things never comeback.

What do I do?
Sweet Ann Marie
Junior Boarder
Posts:212
My heart is like a wheel, let me roll it to you.

Re: Does Your Wife hate the dead? what do I do? help

#273745 1 year, 1 month ago
first off thank you for taking responsiblity for breaking her trust and understanding why she has reservations.

that being said, you're just going to HAVE to bite the bullet and be honest with her. Period. you cannot build a strong house on a weak foundation and lies weaken the very foundation of your marriage.

Offer to take her to one with you, or buy her a GA ticket so she can just go without your knowing and she can watch you as a disinterested third party.... maybe some of that trust will come back.

hard thing is... this is something that brings you a great deal of joy and brings her a great deal of stress, i hope you can both find a happy medium.

but start with reestablishing the trust. without that, you have nothing.

BEST of luck to you man, i could never again be with someone who stopped me from doing this... i love it too much... I did that dance for years and it did nothing but bring me misery,

fish gotta swim, birds gotta fly, heads gotta dance.

reestablish the trust.
Yes, to dance beneath the diamond sky with one hand waving free
Silhouetted by the sea, circled by the circus sands
With all memory and fate driven deep beneath the waves
Let me forget about today until tomorrow
platoscave
Junior Boarder
Posts:38

Re: Does Your Wife hate the dead? what do I do? help

#273749 1 year, 1 month ago
Thank you for your sweet words and time. I am pass the point of not telling her. I will.

We been to show after show.... artists she enjoys as well. It's a shame they don't tour as much as bob and phil do.

It used to be a thing of ours. Every show I would put a " rose in her long brown hair" and she give it to the audience.

I'm sorry to hear that this journey brought you misery, but I know it also brought you some memories.

Thank you for taking the time to reply, I will update you later when I tell her.

bryan


It was later then I thought (when I "relized" I had a problem)
now I can not share in your laughter.

I could not caution all
to steal my point of view
dont lend your hand
to raise no flag atop a
ship of fools
Sweet Ann Marie
Junior Boarder
Posts:212
My heart is like a wheel, let me roll it to you.

Re: Does Your Wife hate the dead? what do I do? help

#273750 1 year, 1 month ago
the truth never hurts, maybe in the begining, but trust me... the lies will bite your ass in the end.

and no... the miserable "dance" i spoke of was being with someone who didnt love this "thing of ours" as much as I did, and so I pared way back, and ended up making MYSELF miserable in the process...when we finally broke up, when I broke the chains and counted my change as it were, Jerry had died and I was fifteen years older.

but i'm younger than that now....
Yes, to dance beneath the diamond sky with one hand waving free
Silhouetted by the sea, circled by the circus sands
With all memory and fate driven deep beneath the waves
Let me forget about today until tomorrow
platoscave
Junior Boarder
Posts:38

Re: Does Your Wife hate the dead? what do I do? help

#273754 1 year, 1 month ago
I'm glad to hear you feel younger know. Good music will do that to the soul. I'm sorry your past relationship didn't work out. I know the lies would be worse that is why I am pass the point of not telling her. I mean Id like to have fun at this "thing of ours", so I must tell her.

I hope you are happy
love
bryan
BillyDeLion
Junior Boarder
Posts:294

Re: Does Your Wife hate the dead? what do I do? help

#273759 1 year, 1 month ago
platoscave wrote:
I hate lying to my wife... oh yeah had a flat tire on 80... you know its dangerous, thats why I'm coming home late. We been together for 12 years. We never been with anyone before, she knows im not cheating. she knows im going to see furthur or some coverband. I know im not the only one.... I'm seeing DSO friday. (I know..... but hay at least " I know this song will never end?") I told her that I was covering for a lecture this friday and will be home late. But, I can't have a good time knowing that I lied to her. I know how upset she will be, knowing that I went and lied, and I know how upset she will be knowing when I tell her the truth beforehand. I know this sounds like a bad dear abby, but I know Im not the only one going to shows alone? I love the people I love the meaning.

She has ever right not to trust me I used to make poppy tea, I'm sober for five years but some things never comeback.

What do I do?


My wife doesn't hate the GD, but it seems every show I take her to they decide to play Dark Star, and she has short tolerance for the long spacy jams. She's more into the 1st set type of stuff, actually her favorite tunes are Must've Been the Roses, Sugaree, Fire on the Mtn. She's also not into long shows with an hour set break with no seats (GA type of setup). At this point we have an understanding that I go to these shows and she's OK with that. She will still go to an occasional show with me and she does enjoy them, it's just some of the experiences have been not exactly non-DH friendly like the time we saw Phil at Jones Beach and by luck of the draw the guy next to me must have eaten enough of whatever it was he ate that would have gotten the entire section off and was flailing his arms wildly and speaking gibberish between songs- we ended up moving to the upper deck for the 2nd set.... and the other time at the Beacon Phil show where some guy puked and the splash hit her on the ankles.... not exactly the best experiences for a non-DH. One Furthur show she was really into it and everything was perfect and I thought I was converting her to Deadhead status but that was a brief aberration as the next show was filled with spacy jams, Dark Star and lack of seats during set break.

As others have said, you have to come clean with her and lying isn't conducive to a good relationship.

My advice is to talk to her about upcoming concerts and tell her you want to catch a few shows and if possible also line up a few concerts that she's into even if it these other shows are not exactly your cup of tea. If you have a friend to go to the GD related shows with that she knows it might help. If your sober and this aspect of it is an issue with her explain the Wharf Rats and either get involved with them a little, or at least buy some of their stickers or literature to bring home to show that you're keeping your act together and not relapsing.
These are the good old days!!
Last Edit: 1 year, 1 month ago by BillyDeLion.
stellarbrews
Junior Boarder
Posts:77

Re: Does Your Wife hate the dead? what do I do? help

#273779 1 year, 1 month ago
We have an arrangement that I offer to take her to see Further or DSO (which she declines), but she accompanies me to Seattle and we go the the art museum and Pike Street Market and out for dinner, and then I go to the show alone in the evening while she stays in the hotel. That's the pricey option.

The alternative, if she doesn't make the trip, is a long mad dash to the show and return without sleeping.
Marc
Fresh Boarder
Posts:6

Re: Does Your Wife hate the dead? what do I do? help

#273786 1 year, 1 month ago
My wife likes to hate it too.... or maybe she hates to like it. She has an open invitation to accompany me any time, but almost always declines. Unless a trip to California is involved! This year we're going to the Greeks (Berkeley & LA). Maybe she'll go once each stand..... and she will like it more than she lets on to!
wlewis
Platinum Boarder
Posts:6472

Re: Does Your Wife hate the dead? what do I do? help

#273961 1 year, 1 month ago
it's about time you acted like a man instead of a child. lying to your wife to go to a concert. married to somebody who hates one of your passions. this can't be real. do you happen to play acoustic guitar?
who else is gonna bring you, a broken arrow?
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splatter_face
Platinum Boarder
Posts:2338

Re: Does Your Wife hate the dead? what do I do? help

#273983 1 year, 1 month ago
PM me Captain T.
.....nine mile skid on a ten mile ride
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