This head is in Austin for spring tour and he goes into the hotel bar after the show and orders a beer. He remarks that the bar is 50 feet long. "Sure", the bartender replies, "everything is bigger in Texas". The bartender brings him his beer, and it must be 64 ounces! The bartender says "Yep, even the beers are bigger in Texas". The head has to relieve himself after such a large beer, and asks the barkeep where the toilet is. He's still a little addled from the show, and goes through the door on the left instead of the right and falls into the pool. Panicked, he yells, "don't flush, don't flush!"

Cosmo the deadhead is at the end of his rope. He's broke, half a continent away from his folks and he needs to get home. All he has left is his dog, Astro. He spies a likely yuppie couple on the way to their Porsche. He says, "Excuse me, I'm broke and I want to sell my dog for bus money. He's special dog, he even talks! Ask him something." The man seems appalled, but the woman is intrigued. "Oh Dale, that would be so kewl! OK, doggie, what's your favorite dead song?" Astro barks "Wharf, wharf, wharf". The couple laugh at this and leave, without buying Astro, of course. Astro looks at Cosmo and says, "maybe I should have said Playin'?"

Jerry Garcia and Eric Clapton are captured by cannibals one day. Before they are about to be cooked for dinner they are granted one final wish. Jerry says "hand me my old guitar and let me play Dark Star one last time...". Eric says "please kill me before he starts".

Why did all the hippies move to Eugene Oregon?
- There's no work there.

A hippie stoner called the fire department and said, "Come quick, my house is on fire!"

The fireman asked, "How do we get there?"

The stoner said, "DUH, the big red truck!"

Some stoned hippy dude walks into the 7-11. He goes up to the man behind the counter and says "Got any weed?"

The man says, "No!" So the stoner leaves.

The stoner comes back and asks the guy behind the counter, "Hey you got any weed?"

The man says "No, I just told you, we don't sell weed here." So the stoner leaves again.

The stoner walks in the next day and says, "Got any weed?"

The clerk behind the counter says, "Look you fuckin' burnout, we don't sell weed here. If you come in here again, I'm goin' to nail your fuckin' teeth to the floor!!!" So the stoner leaves.

He comes in the next day, "You got any nails?"

"No", the clerk replies.

The stoner looks at him in the eyes and says, "You got any weed?"

You can sub your band of choice into this one but here's how I say it....

How many Bisco kids does it take to screw in a lightbulb?



3

1 to steal the lightbulb, 1 to screw it in, and 1 to laugh about it until the K wears off!

Elizabeth Taylor, newly arriving in Heaven, looks at the place she's staying. It's a bland suburban house among a row of hundreds of similar homes.
She looks around and sees a a large Victorian house with stained glass windows of multicolored marching bears and turtles,, Skull and Lightning flag flying high atop the roof, mellow people in tie dye clothing partying in the yard and a nice new van festooned with with Grateful Dead stickers and decals..
"Hey," she asks St. Peter, "why does Jerry Garcia have such a nice place and I get this?"
St. Peter replies..
That ain't Jerry's.. that's God's.

The new Facebook game based on the Grateful Dead has a major problem.
Your keyboard keeps dying.

worst part about dating a hippy girl


they never shut up.
not a joke. this is for real.