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manunyc
Senior Boarder
Posts:436

Where have all my HeadFriends gone?

#150145 2 years, 6 months ago
This is just general question to find out how common a issue this is. One day I turned around and noticed that all of my HeadFriends had vanished from my life. Not only was I not hanging out with them any more I was not making new ones or even bumping into old ones at shows. It's not hard to see how it might happen to people- work, kids moving ect....- but it still comes as a surprise. I was wondering how often people have found themselves in the strange place of being left a stranger at the shows you've been going to for so many years. I hope this has not happened more then a few of you.


Please do not correct my grammar I know it is awful.
Counting stars by candlelight, all are dim but one is bright
23atwell
Platinum Boarder
Posts:4897
I love what I love and I want it that way

Re: Where have all my HeadFriends gone?

#150151 2 years, 6 months ago
That's crazy you say this. In high school we had about 12 of us that went to every show we could. This was in 94. I still run into some but not at shows, it's very rare. But last night I ran into two at the movies. It was nice to see them still feeling what feel after 19 years. I'm not that crazy though to see hangout with them at shows cause I love to meet new folks.
And I'm going to sit right here until I die
katie mae
Junior Boarder
Posts:110

Re: Where have all my HeadFriends gone?

#150152 2 years, 6 months ago
Hey now, Manu, I totally get what you're saying. I had a very tight group of friends who all went on tour together all through college (probably 5-8 of us, plus a whole home town crew from one of these guys), and after that we'd try to hook up when shows were local to them but a few years after graduation, less and less were able to join in. I think when you're early in your career it's difficult to take off so much time to go to shows. Then a lot of folks started having kids and their priorities changed and/or they just didn't have the time/money/whatever to go to shows. Then Jerry passed and nobody knew what the hell was going on and some folks never got back on the bus, or didn't even know the bus started running again. I'm still amazed some of my oldest head friends from way back when don't even know about Furthur. It's a little sad to think they're missing all the fun, but my old college room mate is going meet me at a Fall show so that'll be nice.

As for new show friends, we personally don't hang with a crowd but we've ended up meeting a handful of people that we go to certain shows with all the time, but ironically we don't go to any shows in the town where we live with anyone, just solo, and that's fine too. I went to some Dead '04 show, I think it was, alone, and my husband was like "what? you're going by yourself?" and I said, "yeah, I'll be amongst friends, don't worry" and in the end I sat near some cool folks and one dude who was at his first ever show, so I wasn't really a stranger, or alone. You can be strange, for sure, but if you're a deadhead, you're never a stranger at a show. At least that's what I think. Mileage may vary and all that.
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23atwell
Platinum Boarder
Posts:4897
I love what I love and I want it that way

Re: Where have all my HeadFriends gone?

#150165 2 years, 6 months ago
If I'm at a show, I never feel alone. I'm home.
And I'm going to sit right here until I die
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Brother Dust
Gold Boarder
Posts:934

Re: Where have all my HeadFriends gone?

#150170 2 years, 6 months ago
I hear ya, " No one left to run with anymore "
manunyc
Senior Boarder
Posts:436

Re: Where have all my HeadFriends gone?

#150171 2 years, 6 months ago
I should say in defense of all it is more then a bit my fault. I am just not very social at shows any more I guess talk to my last 2 or 3 friends who still go to shows, Also I started to feel a bit old, even though only in my mid 30's and hell I live on one of the biggest cities in the country there are more then a few people around if I looked. More then anything there are few places on the planet more open and embracing as a show. I guess I should have added lazy to reasons for not seeing old or meeting new people.
Counting stars by candlelight, all are dim but one is bright
katie mae
Junior Boarder
Posts:110

Re: Where have all my HeadFriends gone?

#150172 2 years, 6 months ago
To add on to what I said earlier, every time I am at a show, at some point during the show my mind wanders to all my old friends who no longer go to shows. I don't even know if they bother to see any live music anymore, to be honest. And in those moments I miss them, but I am also thankful and grateful that I still bother to go to shows and that I can still go to a show when I want to. I feel sad for those old friends who have lost themselves to parenthood or the rat race of career or whatever. Not to say that being a parent isn't important, it certainly is, and not to say that being committed to one's career is a bad thing because it's not, just that I think a lot of folks think they can't be both. Like they can't continue being a Deadhead and go to shows if they're a parent, or if they have a demanding career. I feel incredibly lucky that I haven't changed that much over the years and that I am still in touch with the parts of me that I was when I was a lot younger. A lot of folks lose that, and lose that sense of self and who they were over time, which I think is sort of a sad thing.
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gvanman
Platinum Boarder
Posts:1540

Re: Where have all my HeadFriends gone?

#150177 2 years, 6 months ago
The Furthur Forum Family has a solution. We have a flag that flies at every show at a designated area so heads like us can hang out. I found myself going to alot shows alone and even having trouble meeting or seeing old freinds from shows past. I have met some very cool heads on this forum and still could not seem to find each other at shows. Then, The Flag was born. Problem solved. If you check out the "The Flag" thread, you will see photos of every show with folks being able to meet. It works and will be flying wide and high for a long time.
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manunyc
Senior Boarder
Posts:436

Re: Where have all my HeadFriends gone?

#150183 2 years, 6 months ago
I think that for some of us we should not have defend the need for live shows of whatever shape and size we enjoy. For me it is a mental health issue I need that release of a show it keeps happy. It is why losing Levon was such a huge blow yesterday, it's the end to a truly joyiss chapter for me. I think some of us a just built a way that that we desire it. It is my church, my holy place to let go and enjoy that may be a bit over the top but what the hell it's how I feel. Sorry if that comes off a bit crazy.
Counting stars by candlelight, all are dim but one is bright
gvanman
Platinum Boarder
Posts:1540

Re: Where have all my HeadFriends gone?

#150186 2 years, 6 months ago
I feel ya. I v'e heard other folks say this and I say it at every show, I'M HOME!!!!
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