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scar1et_f1re
Platinum Boarder
Posts:4900
R U Kind?

Re: Heard any good jokes lately? Any bad ones?

#104473 2 years, 9 months ago


Some good advice in this one too. So you get a good laugh and some helpful hints, all for the same unbelievably low price.
FFF! Family is Forever!!!

May God bless and keep you always
May your wishes all come true
May you always do for others
And let others do for you
The following user(s) said Thank You: amusingdeva
amusingdeva
Platinum Boarder
Posts:2254

Re: Heard any good jokes lately? Any bad ones?

#104519 2 years, 9 months ago
This makes me crack up every time I see it! Thanks for the laugh!
will work for doses
Senior Boarder
Posts:539
I am Lobar speaking to you from the future

Re: Heard any good jokes lately? Any bad ones?

#107275 2 years, 9 months ago
A married couple had been out shopping at the mall for most of the afternoon,
suddenly, the wife realized that her husband had "disappeared".

The somewhat irate spouse called her mate’s cell phone

and demanded: "Where the hell are you?!!"

Husband: "Darling do you remember that jewelery shop where you saw that
diamond necklace and totally fell in love with it?"
"I didn't have any money at the time and I said "Baby it'll be yours one day".

Wife, with a smile blushing: "Yes, I remember that my Love".


Husband: "Well, I'm in the Pub next to that shop…."
SunshineSue
Platinum Boarder
Posts:32315
Life is sweeter for this!

Re: Heard any good jokes lately? Any bad ones?

#110706 2 years, 9 months ago
An older guy is out on a golf course, by himself, early one Tuesday morning.
He's already finished four holes, and he's pretty happy and hitting the ball well.
Gets to the 5th tee, tees it up and lets it fly.
Straight down the middle of the fairway, pretty long for a guy his age.
Picks up his bag, and starts walking down the fairway.
He's just about to get to where his ball landed when he hears:

"Psst."

It kinda freaks him out, since there's nobody out on the course and he hasn't seen anybody since he left the clubhouse.
He looks around, sees nothing. Shrugs it off, and continues towards his ball.
Takes a couple of steps, and, again he hears:

"Psssst".

Stops. Really looks around this time.
Over to his left, just off the fairway, is a pond.
In the pond, on a lily pad, is a frog.

Guy says to the frog:
"Did you just say something?"

Frog says:
"Yeah. Come over here."

Guy walks over to the Frog, says "Yeah, what? What do you want?"

Frog says:
"Listen. Pick me up. Turn me over and rub my stomach and I'll turn into a beautiful woman. I'll make wild, passionate love to you all day long".

The guy picks up the frog, puts it in his pocket and starts heading back down the fairway.
He gets a few steps, and the Frog says: "Hey!"
The guy takes the Frog out of his pocket and says "What?"

Frog says:
"I told you to turn me over, rub my stomach and I'll turn into a woman the likes of which you've never seen and I'll really give you a thrill. Trust me on this."

The guy puts the Frog back into his pocket, and starts walking again.

Frog again yells: "HEY!!"
Guy takes the Frog out of his pocket, again, and snaps back: "WHAT?!"

Frog: "Did you hear me?"

Guy: "Yeah -- I heard you."

Frog: "Well?"

Guy says, "At my age, I'd rather have a talking Frog"
The following user(s) said Thank You: scar1et_f1re
DL1943
Junior Boarder
Posts:165

Re: Heard any good jokes lately? Any bad ones?

#110707 2 years, 9 months ago
whats the warmest organ in a dead girl's body?




my cock!






whats the worst part about camping with children?




the long, lonely drive home




whats round and rhymes with snoop?





dr dre!






whats the worst part about underage sex?





cleaning the blood out of the clown suit when you're done







what do you get when you cut a dead baby with a straight razor?






an erection!
SunshineSue
Platinum Boarder
Posts:32315
Life is sweeter for this!

Re: Heard any good jokes lately? Any bad ones?

#110729 2 years, 9 months ago
^^^Ick.

Try this instead:

The following user(s) said Thank You: scar1et_f1re, FurthurFlower67
Island Head
Platinum Boarder
Posts:4895

Re: Heard any good jokes lately? Any bad ones?

#110746 2 years, 9 months ago
Bob & Jerry Jokes

The following user(s) said Thank You: scar1et_f1re, SunshineSue, will work for doses
Gr8fullBear
Junior Boarder
Posts:116

Re: Heard any good jokes lately? Any bad ones?

#110877 2 years, 9 months ago
Where's the best place to hide money from a wookie?


Under the soap.





What do you call 50 hippies sky diving at the same time?


Acid rain.







What body part gets mentioned most often when soking weed?

Ear.







What does Pabst Blue Ribbon have in common with having sex in a canoe?

Either way its fu*king damn near water!
The following user(s) said Thank You: scar1et_f1re
will work for doses
Senior Boarder
Posts:539
I am Lobar speaking to you from the future

Re: Heard any good jokes lately? Any bad ones?

#110907 2 years, 9 months ago
Ok, here's one I made up:

Why did the lesbian have to flip a coin?

Because Melissa Etheridge and the Indigo Girls were both in town the same night.
Lynx3000
Junior Boarder
Posts:100

Re: Heard any good jokes lately? Any bad ones?

#110918 2 years, 9 months ago
A pony walks in to a bar and says: "AH-Hem! Excuse me I'm a little horse."
Last Edit: 2 years, 9 months ago by Lynx3000.
The following user(s) said Thank You: scar1et_f1re
Chester
Moderator
Posts:33868
More or less in line

Re: Heard any good jokes lately? Any bad ones?

#110931 2 years, 9 months ago
Two cannibals are eating a clown. One turns to the other and says, "does this taste funny to you"?
I can't come down, it's plain to see.
I can't come down, I've been set free.
Who you are, and what you do,
don't make no difference to me.
The following user(s) said Thank You: alilfurther, scar1et_f1re
GratefulDad420
Senior Boarder
Posts:347

Re: Heard any good jokes lately? Any bad ones?

#110969 2 years, 9 months ago
How many hippies does it take to screw in a lightbulb?




Hippies don't screw in lightbulbs, they screw in tents.
The following user(s) said Thank You: scar1et_f1re
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