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bokb
Senior Boarder
Posts:347
Be, okay? Be.

Re: Heard any good jokes lately? Any bad ones?

#151905 1 year, 12 months ago
Best joke to be told aloud:

Two whales are sitting in a bar.
The first whale says,
"AaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhrrooooooooooooooooooooooooooooowwwwwwwwwwwwwwuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuhhhhhhhhhhhoooooooooooOOOOOOOOOOOoooooooOOOOOOOOOOooooooOOOOOOOOOOOOoooaaaaaaaaaaaaahahhhhhhhhaaaaaaaaaawwwwwooooooooooooooooooooorrorrooooooooOOOOOOOOOOOooooowwwwwwWWWWWwwwwwwwUUUUUUuuuuuuuuuUUuuuuuuuuooooooooooooooohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhwwwwwwwwwoooooooooooooooowwwwooooooooooooooooooOOOOOOOOooooooooorrooooooooowwwwwwwwuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuwwwwaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhoooooooooOOOOOOOOOOOOoooooooooooooooooo........" (at least one full minute of your best imitation of a whalesong)

then the second whale says,
"Dude, yer so wasted!"


If unable to dance, I'll crawl.
The following user(s) said Thank You: alilfurther
Chester
Moderator
Posts:30695
More or less in line

Re: Heard any good jokes lately? Any bad ones?

#153318 1 year, 11 months ago
I went to the zoo the other day, there was only one dog in it, it was a shitzu.
I can't come down, it's plain to see.
I can't come down, I've been set free.
Who you are, and what you do,
don't make no difference to me.
The following user(s) said Thank You: scar1et_f1re
Theo LeSieg
Junior Boarder
Posts:35
“Think and wonder, wonder and think.”

Re: Heard any good jokes lately? Any bad ones?

#153389 1 year, 11 months ago
What do you call a dog with no legs?




Doesn't matter... he won't come to you anyway!
The following user(s) said Thank You: alilfurther, scar1et_f1re
66slim
Platinum Boarder
Posts:1419

Re: Heard any good jokes lately? Any bad ones?

#153409 1 year, 11 months ago
x
And leave it on!
Last Edit: 1 year, 11 months ago by 66slim.
66slim
Platinum Boarder
Posts:1419

Re: Heard any good jokes lately? Any bad ones?

#153410 1 year, 11 months ago
Theo LeSieg wrote:
What do you call a dog with no legs?




Doesn't matter... he won't come to you anyway!


^^^ You call him cigarette because you do not take him out for a walk you take him out for a drag !!!
And leave it on!
The following user(s) said Thank You: scar1et_f1re, Theo LeSieg
SunshineSue
Platinum Boarder
Posts:29207
Life is sweeter for this!

Re: Heard any good jokes lately? Any bad ones?

#153664 1 year, 11 months ago
A hippie was walking down the street one day when a pixie appeared before him. "Today is your lucky day!" said the pixie. "I'm gonna give you two wishes. What will the first one be?" The hippie thinks for a moment and then says, "I want a never-ending joint." So the pixie snaps his fingers and there appears this king-sized joint. The hippie lights it up and starts puffing. After several hits the joint is still the same length. Next the pixie says, "And your second wish?" The hippie, puffing away, replies, "This is so cool man! Gimme another one!"
The following user(s) said Thank You: alilfurther
SunshineSue
Platinum Boarder
Posts:29207
Life is sweeter for this!

Re: Heard any good jokes lately? Any bad ones?

#155729 1 year, 11 months ago
Thoughts From Steven Wright:

I hate it when my foot falls asleep during the day because that means it's going to be up all night.

When I woke up this morning my girlfriend asked me, "Did you sleep good?" I said, "No, I made a few mistakes."

I was trying to daydream, but my mind kept wandering.

One night I walked home very late and fell asleep in somebody's satellite dish. My dreams were showing up on TV's all over the world.
I got up one morning and couldn't find my socks, so I called Information. She said, "Hello, Information." I said, "I can't find my socks." She said, "They're behind the couch." And they were!

I went into this bar and sat down next to a pretty girl. She looked at me and said, "Hey, you have two different colored socks on." I said, "Yeah, I know, but to me they're the same because I go by thickness."

I hooked up my accelerator pedal in my car to my brake lights. I hit the gas, people behind me stop, and I'm gone.

I replaced the headlights in my car with strobe lights, so it looks like I'm the only one moving.

I play the harmonica. The only way I can play is if I get my car going really fast, and stick it out the window.

I put a new engine in my car, but forgot to take the old one out. Now my car goes 500 miles per hour. The harmonica sounds amazing.

I watched the Indy 500, and I was thinking that if they left earlier they wouldn't have to go so fast.
The following user(s) said Thank You: alilfurther
66slim
Platinum Boarder
Posts:1419

Re: Heard any good jokes lately? Any bad ones?

#157342 1 year, 11 months ago
A carpet layer had just finished installing carpet for a lady. He stepped out for a smoke, only to realize he'd lost his cigarettes.

In the middle of the room, under the carpet, was a bump.

"No sense pulling up the entire floor for one pack of smokes" he said to himself. He proceeded to get out his hammer and flattened the hump.

As he was cleaning up, the lady came in. "Here," she said, handing him his pack of cigarettes."I found them in the hallway."

"Now," she said,"if only I could find my parakeet."
And leave it on!
The following user(s) said Thank You: alilfurther, scar1et_f1re
teafortexas
Expert Boarder
Posts:755
Dancin on a pin

Re: Heard any good jokes lately? Any bad ones?

#157384 1 year, 11 months ago
I am sure this one is on the thread somewhere....

Why did Snoop Dogg bring out his umbrella?

Fo Drizzle.
Everybody is either making love...Or else expecting rain
66slim
Platinum Boarder
Posts:1419

Re: Heard any good jokes lately? Any bad ones?

#157903 1 year, 11 months ago
After many years of hard work, Joe rewarded himself with a long, luxurious stay at an exclusive Carribean resort. While relaxing on the beach, he was surprised to see a former high school classmate who he hadn't seen since they graduated. His old friend had been something of a "burnout" in high school, and this was the last place Joe expected to see him.

Joe approached the man, and seized his hand. "Pete, it's Joe. From high school. It's sure been a long time. You look great! You must really be doing okay for yourself."

"I am," whispered Pete. "I am a partner with a very successful law firm. But don't tell my mother. She got the idea that I was a drug dealer back when I was in high school, and she would be terribly disappointed if she figured out how I really make my money."
And leave it on!
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